Posts tagged marriage
Posts tagged marriage
A GOP lawmaker in Wisconsin is trying to pass a bill that would classify “non marital parenthood” as a cause of child abuse. Since gays cannot legally mary in Wisconsin, the bill automatically includes single and coupled gays and lesbians, plus any single person regardless of orientation.
The bill “requir[es] the Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Board to emphasize nonmarital parenthood as a contributing factor to child abuse and neglect.” Republican State Senator Glenn Grothman, who has a long history of radical positions, wants to spend tax dollars “educating” the public — with no scientific proof (because there is none) — that gays, lesbians, single mothers, and single fathers should not be allowed to be parents because their children will grow up in an abusive home.
In fact, Senator Grothman is claiming that the very lack of two married opposite sex parents in a household constitutes child abuse. Apparently, Senator Grothman believes that marriage is for procreation, and therefore only married people should be allowed to raise children.
In essence, the bill could, if it became law, be used to outlaw all gay couples raising children, and all single-parent households.
How can someone be so completely fucking stupid?
Dang, this could open up so many really sick, cruel scenarios. What if a married couple has kids and then one of the spouses dies or something? Then all of a sudden the single parent is abusive?
Note: I’m not ripping on all religious people. Just the ones that nose into my business and say, without knowing a blasted thing about me, that their marriage is better than mine because it’s God-centered.
I know this one guy from my parents’ church (let’s just call him Bob), who, among other things, is a 9/11 truther and a complete and total sexist. But every time I run into him (every time I end up at church when I visit my parents), he always starts up on the topic of marriage. I married one of my best friends from high school last year, and it almost bugs me how curious this guy is about my personal life. Our conversation usually starts this way:
Bob: So, how’s married life? *wink wink*
Me: It’s great. How are you?
Bob, not wanting to change the subject: My first year of marriage was the hardest. But it’s so worth it. (Add in about eight thousand anecdotes about being recently married).
Afterwards, I generally run away as far as I can and hide behind my dad, who is about an 11 on the awesome scale. That is how much I can’t stand Bob.
Why, exactly, do I find our dear Bob so bloody annoying? It’s his religious condescension. He attributes the difficulty of his first year of marriage to the fact that neither he nor his wife had ever lived with anybody before and that they were both virgins, and he seems puzzled to hear that my first year of marriage was actually quite wonderful. Now, because I am seen as a stand-up person around those parts, he can’t possibly imply that I’m a harlot and that’s why my marriage is easier than his, so he comes up with this brilliant cop-out: “You’re blessed.”
Here and now, I confess for the whole Internet to see: I am a harlot! (By Bob’s standards, of course.)
Once I moved away to college (The same one as my boyfriend! Gasp!), I spent a lot of time with him. We cooked for each other. We helped each other move into our respective apartments. We went grocery shopping together. We cleaned together. We learned each other’s habits. I knew from the get go that he leaves socks under his desk, that he hates brussels sprouts, and that he hoards napkins, and he knew that I always fill my glasses to the brim with ice, that I won’t eat tomato soup unless it’s made with milk, and that I never, ever, ever wear matching socks. The year after that, I got stuck with the most atrocious roommates, and spent even more time at his house. When the mix of bad circumstances in my life became so unbearable that I wanted to die, he took care of me, and sometimes that would involve me sleeping on his couch so he could make sure I didn’t try to kill myself in the night. We never had a chaperone, nor did we need one. In essence, we got to know and love each other so well that it didn’t make sense to not be married, so we got married.
I don’t consider myself blessed, because that implies divine intervention. I’m not blessed. I’m lucky. Due to an amazing sequence of events that has unfolded over the past eight years, I am happily married. We’re not perfectly compatible. We come from completely different backgrounds. We don’t even have all the same interests. But what keeps us happy is that we’re always willing to work through every difficulty, even if it means that one of us has to give in. We work like dogs, sometimes. At the end of the day, though, we remember that each of us would take a bullet for the other.
Now, under Bob’s moral code, he’d say that what makes a great marriage is avoiding being alone with each other before the actual wedding, and when things get rocky, the couple should pray to God for the answers, and, if that doesn’t work (protip: it never does) the woman should always submit to the man, because he has a penis, and everybody knows that penises are superior.
I think he’s got it all backwards. Instead of turning to an antiquated, error-ridden book and an invisible guy who never makes his presence known, spouses should turn to each other when they’ve got issues. If the only thing holding your marriage together is a book and an invisible guy, you’ve got some serious problems. If all you’re willing to do is pray about it, you’re too lazy and cowardly to face your marital issues. (Unless he’s abusing you, in which case you should quit praying and get help right now. I mean it. RIGHT NOW.) Marriage won’t work for you unless you work for it.
Questions? Comments? Three-page letters telling me how wrong I am? Hit me up!